TheRevForWhatev's blog / Uncategorized / Stirring the Family Drama Pot - Part 1

Stirring the Family Drama Pot - Part 1
15 November, 201115 November, 2011 Post Comments Uncategorized Uncategorized
If you come from the kind of family in which every decision you make is greeted with warm smiles, 100% support, and even thunderous applause, please know that not only are you very, very lucky, you are very much in the minority. For most couples planning their wedding, even when they are having a relatively intimate affair, they often find, and are often surprised, that EVERYONE in their family has an opinion on what they should do. They not only have an opinion, they have no problem sharing it. Loudly. And sometimes rudely. Isn’t this supposed to be YOUR day? If you are in the heat of wedding decision-making, you may be finding yourselves in this predicament. In my next few entries, I will offer some thoughts on how to cope with family drama pots, (and the weddings that stir them.)
Pot #1 - Your parents or loved ones are or are helping you foot the bill for the wedding, and therefore, believe they have a say or authority over most, or even all, of the decisions you make for your wedding.
Whew, this is a tough one, so I will deal with it first. If the guidance you are being given is tolerable, and you can live with some of the things they would like to see that day, then your ability to compromise is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of grace and strength. However, if guidance is verging into dictatorship, you must say something, but doing so in a loving, mature way will likely garner the best response: “Mom, please know that John and I are so grateful for the fact that you and Dad are helping us make this wedding possible, but it is really important to us that we celebrate the beginning of our marriage in a way that reflects who we are and what we love. Making this choice fulfills that for us better than that choice. Thank you for understanding that.” In the situation where that is not enough, and your loved ones instead choose to continue to push the fact that it’s their money, so it’s their way, then you may have to make the difficult decision to kindly decline their financial assistance. You may have to scale back, significantly even, so that you can fit your budget, but that is okay. If doing it your way is important enough to you, you will be able to also figure out how to do it your way with the resources you have.
Sincerely, Rev. Anne Styx, Chicagoland's "The Rev For Whatev”



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